Last year, my best friend and I were having a couple of beers on a day very like today discussing how long we’d been friends for. It was crazy to us coz we counted 16 years of friendship. We wish we knew the day so we could have an official day to celebrate it. We decided that we would make it nearly smack bang in the middle of our birthdays which is today! We’ve had so many ups and downs but once Aimee moved back from a stint in Australia last year it sealed our friendship once and for all and really made us appreciate one another.
This week has been awesome coz Autumn is finally here. I’m not sure why but there is always something about Summer that depresses me greatly. I like Autumn coz the temperature is just right and I don’t feel bad for not using every part of the sunlit day or not leaving the house. It’s that perfect time of the year to wind down with a book and a tv series. It’s also the time of the year where I say I’m going to use my crock pot but leave it sadly sitting next to the equally neglected toasted sandwich maker.
little things: David Sedaris; Alida Nugent; emailing with my best friend all day + impromptu bestie hangs; Adventure Time; nachos; and playing unhealthy amounts of games on my phone (to the point where my eyes hurt and blood is drained from my hands. Success is different for everyone)
Sorry! This was meant to be posted last Thursday!
For the last few weeks I’ve been in this semi depressive state. The past few days have been even harder. Clearly I romanticised leaving my job and being free far too much in my head. Today I put on my big girl pants (slash yellow polka dot dress) and went and handed out my CV. Top the past few weeks off with breaking the world record for break ups by breaking up with the dude I was seeing for the 6th time and then feeling like an asshole coz I’m notoriously bad at relationships. I do have moments where I’m like ‘I wonder what interesting curve balls will be thrown my way this time’ and it’s exciting but it has made me reluctant to write about everything that’s going on or be gratuitous. Reading that made me realise it was just what I needed.
Little things: my flat mates awkward chats over breakfast; the weather!; wearing red lipstick again; Candy Crush; Adventure Time; frozen raspberries; being told I look like a ‘Ray of sunshine’; coffee dates with step ma ma; bro outs with DR; and having my BFF around the corner.
1. There comes a time in life where you have to put your big girl pants on and resolve conflict like an adult. I’ve dealt with my fair share i.e work, friends, family and there are some times where there is nothing you can do. When you can do things – be clear, concise and diplomatic. I always find saying ‘I understand X feeling but Y was the reason’ works a treat. Don’t bring up shit from the past, don’t yell, try not to cry and know when to let it go. In the words of Katy Perry ‘Choose your battles babe and you will win the war’.
2. I gained some KGs in the past year and a half making it very hard for me to feel attractive and good in jeans. I knew I needed another option coz it gets cold here and I am all about the Richard Branson on a cruise x Elizabeth Taylor x Rihanna print style pants. The brighter and bolder the better. Get amongst, yo.
3. Why is it that the ol’ internet stalk still feels somewhat normal even though it’s totes creepy? Curiosity, my friend. I don’t know about you but there is always someone who you do not give one f about but still find them oddly interesting. I’m gonna stop coz this feels weird but I want to write about this more.
4. Preemptive dumping is one of the smartest things you can do. Sure, there’s doubts and what not but de ja vu but you see patterns it’s best to stop what you’re doing and reevaluate your dating situation.
5. Treat your relationship with exercise like you would with a lover. Mix it up everyday otherwise you will get bored and quit.
6. Girl Code on MTV is the new black
7. The hardest part about ending it with someone you like but just don’t see anything good coming out of it is explaining to your friends that the other person is okay despite them being a bit of a douchebag.
8. Morning exercise sets the perfect tone to your day. Waking up early is the worst but if you mix some pre work out up then have it ready on your bedside table Bob’s your uncle.
Picture of Oriental Bay the other night
It’s been a pretty hectic week in a semi good way. I’ve managed to catch up with a lot of people I missed, gave the apartment a good clean, went on a date (no spark womp wah), got robbed (bye DSLR :( ), and caught up with my bestie. I thought my world would stop spinning but it’s been pretty mental still. I woke up this morning in an anxious state for the first time since I left work and it made me realise that while I’ve left a lot in the air the improvement of my mental health has been paramount. When you’ve been through depression you appreciate your happiness so much more and do anything to sustain it.
Little things: working out lots (I threw up mid cross trainer today….it was awesome); one of the dudes downstairs who helped us get our stuff back; keeping busy and enjoying the fuck out of it; Are you the one? (IT’S SO GOOD I JUST….CAN’T); Fancy by Iggy Azalea and Charli XCX (album is PRE ORDERED AND I CAN’T WAIT!!!); the fact that I am easily excited; Pharrell Williams – Girls; hoodies and tshirts from AS Colour (best tees and sweats in town – durable and affordable!); catch up dinners; making decisions with my head rather than my heart; Moore Wilsons; the cyclone heading our way (an excuse to sit in my sweats); showing gratitude; my second mama; having my flat mates and I chill at home at the same time; buying new jeans and the fact that I haven’t been sitting on my ass like a dero coz I legit thought I’d be couch bound.
P.S please ignore my awful formatting. I update from my cellphone coz I’m trying not to buy a lap top to reduce the amount of time I’m staring at a screen.
Creepy campfire shot of my bestie and her boyfriend
I don’t know where to start this post but on Tuesday afternoon I quit my job. Because of confidentiality I can’t say too much but my decision to throw in the towel so to speak was a long time coming. After a short discussion with my boss we decided to have it active immediately which has put my mind at ease. When things stop making you happy and it’s effecting your mental and physical health it’s just easier to let it go. When I get really stressed my body reacts negatively and I didn’t want to get to the point where I was suffering from physical ailments to pay the rent. My main goal this year was to work on my mind, body and soul and I feel like I’m doing the right thing by going. I’ve had depression for a long time and anyone else in my shoes would understand that when you get to a happy stage you hold on to it with your dear life and do everything to maintain it. Right now, I’m starting the grand adventure of finding out what I really want to do and while I’m nervous I’m also beyond excited!
Little things: going camping in the wilderness!; going out on the lake in a boat and feeling the wind in my hair; doing a photography course with my dad; catching up with the kids; being inside while it’s pouring down outside; rice and quinoa mix by sun rice; strange adventures with strange people; my best friend and dad who are incredibly supportive; little bird raw macaroons; coconut cream based ice cream; getting back into Atmosphere then finding out they have a new album out shortly!; Are you the one?; working out like a bawss and that feeling of being so very proud of yourself.
Post work out selfie earned!
The past three weeks have been mental. First off, I got a throat infection during the busiest transitional time at work which lead me to work over time to catch up. After that was just a series of ‘AND THEN ________ HAPPENED’ i.e Richard dying, my bestie being in a car accident and work just being absolutely mental. It has been hard to find any form of beauty in the chaos because my life for the past three weeks has been a caffeinated dream where I’ve just been floating through making sure I am awake and not sleeping through my alarm. In saying that, there has been some really awesome times and I made sure that at the end of this all that I would have a bunch of fun things to do. This weekend my dad and I are going to go and do a beginners photography course through ‘Three Little Wishes’ and then after that I’m going camping in the Wairarapa which will be a much needed escape. One of the things that got me through the worst parts of depression was having things to look forward to and it’s definitely a habit I have carried on.
Little things: family time; phone convo’s with my bestie, ugly face off’s via snap chat; lots and lots of coffee; having a fun team to work with; Are you the one?; Adventure Time; Danny Brown – XXX; soft, printed pants taking office casual to a whole new level; getting a good nights sleep; writing in my journal; escapism via game apps aka Candy Crush; brightly coloured lip stick; Bonnie Tsang’s instagram; the continued simplicity and consistency of NubbyTwiglet.com; wanderlust; productivity; Anonymous posts on Thought Catalog, Speak Now – Taylor Swift; getting back into Atmosphere; Girl Code; getting back into the gym and pushing myself to where I once was!