Adventures in self discovery / How my goals are going

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Is it bad that over three months ago I set some goals and haven’t started? Yes. Is it okay that I realised what the missing link in the chain is? Yes. Am I kinda embarrassed that it a) took me so long to realise it and b) what it actually is? Yes. Drum roll please….. alcohol! Yep, going out and getting on the booze in the weekends as well as after work drinks was killing all my goals.Have you ever tried reading a book drunk? How about quitting smoking? Getting a killer body? Saving money? Feeling emotionally balanced? My excess drinking was ruining all of that.

My drinking got really bad last November. I had a whole load of stress (predominantly this dude I was dating that I was crazy about that was leaving and the WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOU GO THIS IS SO GREAT was literally killing me) and I had just started a new job in a totally different environment to my work before. I am usually pretty adaptable but there was something different this time. Anyway, I would drink when my (now former) lover was on night shift during the week then I’d drink all through the weekend. New Zealanders have a pretty bad binge drinking problem. I can’t think of one person who can go out for one drink and not end up getting shit faced. One wine usually means about four but can generally lead to six…. I also come from a family of big drinkers so when I go to my dads we will polish off a dozen beers and crack open a bottle of wine. When you add stress into the occasion then the whole thing turns into a gigantic shit storm. My reality check was when I got told on at work for coming in hungover (there were a few other little things but this lead to the other things in the past and now) followed by a final warning. I was pretty ashamed off myself to be honest so I said ‘Nope’ to week day drinking. It was cool. I still had my weekends. Then when I had a weekend off drinking (last weekend) every one was like ‘You’re fucking joking?!’ nope. I went down stairs for a cigarette and the guys who work at the business downstairs were like ‘Whaaaaat? You’re not drinking? Usually you’re down here drunk at this hour!’  This is when I thought to myself ‘Ahhhh fuck Anna what are you doing?’ So the past week has been the gym, low amounts of alcohol, reading, making plans for Rarotonga and L.A in November and chilling the eff out.

It annoys me because I am so damned capable of achieving these goals. I’m four books in to the reading, four days into not smoking, a little while off coming off medication, in the midst of saving for a big ass holiday & four days into some insane fitness training. Everything is achievable and I refuse to let another year pass without achieving anything I want to achieve!

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