Oops – pt 3 of me trying to lose weight for the last time

Well, hello. I wondered if I would write this post and despite all of my internal fear festering I decided to bite the bullet because even if I would love to write about successes, I unfortunately have nothing weight loss related to report on. I’m not mad, and I’m not being too hard on myself because of the bigger picture of what I have learnt in the last couple of weeks is what is more important.

The weekend before I started my new job I signed back up to Les Mills. I wish I had done it sooner because it is worth the money. When they say ‘find an exercise you like and stick to it’ make sure you really get specific with your choice because if you’re not really feeling it, you won’t do it. Since I finish at 4:30, I get changed at work then wander five minutes up the road and get on with it. I took it easy the first couple of sessions because being able to move the next day is very important to me. Lifting weights is something that I feel is very mentally freeing. It has always felt like therapy to me because it helps me with any self doubt (you are not enough, you are weak ETC!) by delivering a reverse message like ‘yes you made it to the gym!’ And ‘you’re doing something really good’ and most importantly ‘you’re making progress on your annual goal!’

After my first week at my new job I was so damn tired I was ready to go home. JP said he wanted to go home early that night so I decided I’d just go along with him and save myself cab fare. As soon as I got into the pub, I got myself a beer and decided to end this whole 12 weeks no booze business. What a mistake! I had made it 7 weeks and didn’t really miss it. I woke up the next morning incredibly worse for wear, ordered McDonalds, ate both of our McDonalds then proceeded to feel like death for a very long time after. The silver lining of it all was that I realised how much I cherish my weekends, and sobriety.

On my birthday we went out for pasta with our friends but first of all we had a couple of beers. I wanted a celebratory drink and I wasn’t going to feel bad about it. In case you can’t tell, I’m doing my best to diminish my inner sad sack down buzz voice. It was nice to have just two beers. I did however wake up with a bit of a hangover the next day so if I’m only going to do a couple of drinks, it probably shouldn’t be strong beer. The gym was a no go due to the freezing cold weather that week, but I’m going to work on that.

This leads me to today. Still full of hope and still realising that I need to cut the internalising of the should I shouldn’t I bullshit of my health. I’m in bed sick with yet another sinus infection and more than anything I just want to go to the gym and eat good. Stay tuned for next week and leave me your motivating content below!

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Pt 2 of me writing about losing weight for the last time

I remember reading once that people usually stick to their diet for two weeks then give up. At this stage, I couldn’t think of anything more disheartening as I’ve just past the two week mark. Labelling this the last time I’ll try losing weight is very final and I feel very, very determined. There were five days however last week where I wasn’t really motivated OR determined because I gave in and weighed myself. What a mistake. You would think after trying to lose weight for so long that I would be painfully aware (and I was!) that it’s a slow process. The scale told me I was the same weight as when I started but I’m sure there would’ve been a few changes.

The beauty of not weighing myself was that I was kept guessing and there was nothing that could stop me. Joe Wicks aka the Body Coach calls them ‘sad steps’ and I can see why. If I weighed myself in 6 weeks time and found that I lost 4kgs, I would be THRILLED. However since I hit a wall because I didn’t think I was going anywhere, it’s made me aware of the fact that I wouldn’t be going anywhere if I hadn’t started this journey. You have to start somewhere. Touché amirite? When I’m thinking logically I can see that scales aren’t everything but psychologically I’m desperate to see changes and make changes. I felt really down that nothing had changed and I felt even worse when one of my colleagues took a photo of me eating a sausage roll at a staff event only to look at myself later and think WHY?! I almost didn’t write this post and delayed it massively so I’m definitely going to work on my self worth here.

When you make a drastic change, you have to be in the right mindset and you have to be aware that slip ups are slip ups and to learn from your mistakes. The only difference between week 1 and week 6 is the excitement of change and your motivation level. Everything new is shiny and exciting and it should always stay that way!

What I’m going to do different this week:

– prepare my food and log it in advance so I can see that where I’m at

– make food to put in the freezer for when dinner plans fall through

– look into a gym membership to keep me going this Winter!

Mental Health Mondays

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A brief overview before I start: I have been living with depression my whole life. At 19 I was diagnosed and at 21 I decided to really do something about it. Here are things I do and have done for years that help.

Ever since I have started this blog (4 years ago now) I have been practising gratitude. Even before that my journals are riddled with things I love and things I’m looking forward to.

Its hella simple. Each night before you go to bed, write down THREE things you enjoyed about your day from coffee to seeing a friend ETC.

After that, another THREE things you’re looking forward to from getting a goodnight sleep to listening to your favourite album.

Adventures in Weightloss

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Guys I got to the gym! I used to work at a fast fashion store with a lovely girl called Iria. We worked at different stores and even now that we’ve parted we still always say hey and do the awkward ‘we should catch up!’ Back and forth but never do. After bitching and moaning about my weight she kindly put me on to her boyfriend who was a PT at the time. I had endeavoured to start PT sessions in the New Year but he found a different career pathway  to explore. Iria so kindly took me through the best work out I have done in so long. It wasn’t easy looking at us work out in the mirror especially since getting big and once being so small. I arrived at the gym at 5:20 and we left at 8 so I was bloody excited to get home and eat.I am feeling sore today but it is the day to smash out another work out.

Iria is super inspiring to me because she started at the same weight I am and has literally has one of the best bodies ever. She has a no nonsense approach to the gym and girl goes there to WORK! We mixed up a lot of different exercises and focused on doing small sets with 3-4 reps and doing the exercise right rather than struggle through a set of 15 x 3-4, which I usually do, and do the reps with gusto rather than half assing it.

I’ve been getting back into my salads again and making us more vegetarian meals which is a nice change. Dr Libby’s book has really drummed the importance of overall well being into my brain. I’m drinking less coffee and more tea, I’ve started buying more natural skin care, and I’ve become a lot more aware of my breathing! I have even cut down on smoking (I am quitting but doing so slowly) going from 3/4 of a packet a day to one in the morning and maybe 4-6 in the evening.

Adventures in Weightloss

img_6344Let me start off by saying that I’ve gone backwards. Oops! I knew that I had and for the past nearly two weeks my gym work outs have been regular and I am in love with the gym again. As you may or may not have seen on the news, we’ve had a pretty insane time here in Wellington. The massive quake that hit us on Monday morning (7.5 on the Richter scale and went for a minute!!) has meant I can’t work so I’ve been working out and doing a big spring clean of our place. I can’t tell you the last time I had this much time off work without being unemployed. I’m fairly certain I have adult ADD coz I’m not very good at sitting still for long periods of time. Reading is different but yknow?

I want to talk about some of the changes I’ve been making. I was talking to Mickey yesterday (who wears many hats and is a qualified PT and was once a Zumba instructor lol) and I was talking about how I’ve been so good and I’m gutted the results haven’t shown. She was like ‘GURL I FEEL YOUUUU! You just want to see the weight come off of your hips!’ A-freaking-men, sister. So I stay patient and try and relax on the junk food and be as good as I can. What have I been saying to myself again? It’s a PROCESS and takes TIME!

On Sunday, I walked to the markets and came back then cooked for 3-4 hours. Do you know how easy it is to order take out when you literally just made it home without dying from exhaustion?! I do and I’ll take every chance I can to smash half a scoop of hot chips, a chicken curry, half a rice and some roti from Zhou’s Kitchen! I’m working on my meal prepping coz I am a) mindful of the waste I’ve been creating and b) like to eat something pretty vege heavy coz I know it makes me feel so much better. I made a Thai green curry (definitely did not omit the coconut cream), vege black bean burritos with home made salsa, meatballs and fresh tomato sauce, nacho Mince and beans and a vegetable quiche to get us through the week! I mean, there are some parts of it that definitely aren’t 100% clean however, it is all home cooked and fucking delicious (if I may say so myself!) I’d love to create a delicious meal plan for the blog so it’s in process, I promise.

Another big thing for me is that I’ve slowed the fuck down on my drinking! For the past 2-3 weeks I’ve been having 1-4 beers a week aside from last night (but I broke it up with coffee and a coke!) Which is super amazing for me. It’s strange coz despite being adamant that I’m having my fucking beers still I’ve slowly gone off of going out and getting shit faced. Time is of the essence and I have planned some cute outfits for our holiday with stuff I can’t (yet) fit.

 

Weekly Love

img_6332I admit – I’ve been a bad. I’ve been doing so poorly at losing weight that I’ve been embarrassed to come back and share the same results. After having a tough time (depression is in check it’s just other little things) I made time to talk to Michelle. Mickey would’ve been featured more in my earlier posts but since JP came along and is both getting busy our healing sleep overs were put on hold. My girl is in China teaching English right now and we talked for at least 2.5 hours on Tuesday. I laughed so hard my jaw hurt and then afterwards Shen promised to email a motivating email. If anyone knows how to reach me it’s her. She is the bringer of truths. We were supposed incredibly connected when we both went through heartbreak and when Mickey lost her dad. We didn’t let all of the terrible things happening stall our progress in life. We worked out religiously, ate good and worked on our mental state. We essentially fought ferociously for ourselves to be in a good space. We’ve both been through some very rough times and stints with chronic depression being one of them so making sure we were in a good space doing all we could was worth it. If one thing depression has taught me is that you can’t ignore yourself or your feelings and relying on all the things that make you better is the fight to keep better. Taking medication for it is just one part of the process. I’ll write about it more later in the week.

I’ve been working on not drinking so much and Wednesdays and  Fridays are really hard for me. I’m not anti drinking but I’m anti drinking so much that it ruins your weekend and your weight. I made a date with Aimee to eat nachos and watch tv which was so nice. We live together but we don’t spend time together like we did when we hung out pre living together. Just like my FaceTime with Mickey, it felt so healing. It’s a reminder to myself that being selective with your friends is never a bad thing. Side bar – I saw a girl I was once friends with on the street and terminating that friendship was a reminder that sometimes you have to do the tough thing and ditch. As rough as it may sound sometimes you have to for your own well being. In the morning, we cleaned, got our laundry out and then took Loki to the dog beach.

Little things: watching the baby ducks at the gardens; getting Korean skin care from JPs sister; The Mindy Project; 5 or so weeks till we go on holiday; getting my fringe trimmed; sleeping in (I’m usually up at 6am so 9 was a nice change); chicken curry from Zhou’s Kitchen; My Favourite Murder; This American Life; seeing our little garden grow!; watching the fireworks hand in hand with JP at the New World car park post buying snacks #romance; the bits of the Steve Aoki documentary I was able to sit down for; Loki not being terrified at the fireworks (so brave); this moment where I am sitting in my lounge with the sporadic rain post coffee; and JPs mum who is the sweetest angel.

 

Adventures in Weightloss

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I’ve been getting better. I ate pretty well last week. I still slip up and I still don’t hate myself for it. I was reminded this morning that things like catching up with friends and having takeaways sometimes is a okay. Eating and friendships are important. Maybe not eating take out but you get the jist. I have, however, realised the repercussions of beer. I really love beer. However, in terms of getting back in shape it’s probably time I just relax on the beers. It is 10 weeks until we go on holiday and I really, really want to be able to go shopping and fit some of my dresses. Last summer I was a bit lighter and I was miserable because all my dresses and shorts fit so uncomfortably and the new ones I bought were awful. I tried on an old dress on the other day and my best friend (bless her soul) tried to tell me it didn’t look too bad. Lets be honest here – white is v e r y unforgiving and two of my favourite dresses are WHITE (see photo above)

Exercise
I’m very proud of myself. I weighed myself last week and it wasn’t exactly what I wanted but it was not a gain (I think it was just under a kilo) The gym progress hasn’t been going so well. A friend of mine lost A LOT of weight over the past year and is looking toned and amazing. When I told her about my weight loss woes she gave me her boyfriends number (who is a personal trainer) who will hopefully help me develop a good routine and give me some different exercises to help me get back into business. JP also discovered a short cut to walk to work which is so much nicer than my usual walk. It’s half the time which is fine but I would much rather walk a shorter distance than miss out on an opportunity to get some exercise. As I have said before, it is so much easier to take the easier option.

Food
I’ve been working on meal prep a lot more. Cooking for a couple of hours on a Sunday when I am relaxed etc is ten times easier than cooking every night and worrying about what time I’m going to get to bed and whether or not I am going to get enough sleep. Also – making an effort to buy less processed food. This is a hard one. It can look fine on your calories but honestly – there are better things I can eat AMIRITE?

How I feel about about it everything
Writing about this has really changed my perspective and made me so much more mindful. It’s been interesting to read other peoples weight loss journeys and to see how far other bloggers have come which is really inspirational. Everyone can do it, it’s all a matter of actually doing it, yknow? I feel guilty if I haven’t put any effort in so I am really, really trying here. I love that there is a community of people in the exact same boat as me.

Challenge
I am proposing a challenge for myself. I said it ages ago when it was 14 odd weeks out from my holiday but this week I want to start losing a kilo a week. Now, I am aware that weight fluctuates etc and that is all well and good so I’ll do weekly measurements – this time I am SERIOUS. I will not do another chubby summer. I swear!