A brief overview before I start: I have been living with depression my whole life. At 19 I was diagnosed and at 21 I decided to really do something about it. Here are things I do and have done for years that help.
Ever since I have started this blog (4 years ago now) I have been practising gratitude. Even before that my journals are riddled with things I love and things I’m looking forward to.
Its hella simple. Each night before you go to bed, write down THREE things you enjoyed about your day from coffee to seeing a friend ETC.
After that, another THREE things you’re looking forward to from getting a goodnight sleep to listening to your favourite album.
Guys I got to the gym! I used to work at a fast fashion store with a lovely girl called Iria. We worked at different stores and even now that we’ve parted we still always say hey and do the awkward ‘we should catch up!’ Back and forth but never do. After bitching and moaning about my weight she kindly put me on to her boyfriend who was a PT at the time. I had endeavoured to start PT sessions in the New Year but he found a different career pathway to explore. Iria so kindly took me through the best work out I have done in so long. It wasn’t easy looking at us work out in the mirror especially since getting big and once being so small. I arrived at the gym at 5:20 and we left at 8 so I was bloody excited to get home and eat.I am feeling sore today but it is the day to smash out another work out.
Iria is super inspiring to me because she started at the same weight I am and has literally has one of the best bodies ever. She has a no nonsense approach to the gym and girl goes there to WORK! We mixed up a lot of different exercises and focused on doing small sets with 3-4 reps and doing the exercise right rather than struggle through a set of 15 x 3-4, which I usually do, and do the reps with gusto rather than half assing it.
I’ve been getting back into my salads again and making us more vegetarian meals which is a nice change. Dr Libby’s book has really drummed the importance of overall well being into my brain. I’m drinking less coffee and more tea, I’ve started buying more natural skin care, and I’ve become a lot more aware of my breathing! I have even cut down on smoking (I am quitting but doing so slowly) going from 3/4 of a packet a day to one in the morning and maybe 4-6 in the evening.
Let me start off by saying that I’ve gone backwards. Oops! I knew that I had and for the past nearly two weeks my gym work outs have been regular and I am in love with the gym again. As you may or may not have seen on the news, we’ve had a pretty insane time here in Wellington. The massive quake that hit us on Monday morning (7.5 on the Richter scale and went for a minute!!) has meant I can’t work so I’ve been working out and doing a big spring clean of our place. I can’t tell you the last time I had this much time off work without being unemployed. I’m fairly certain I have adult ADD coz I’m not very good at sitting still for long periods of time. Reading is different but yknow?
I want to talk about some of the changes I’ve been making. I was talking to Mickey yesterday (who wears many hats and is a qualified PT and was once a Zumba instructor lol) and I was talking about how I’ve been so good and I’m gutted the results haven’t shown. She was like ‘GURL I FEEL YOUUUU! You just want to see the weight come off of your hips!’ A-freaking-men, sister. So I stay patient and try and relax on the junk food and be as good as I can. What have I been saying to myself again? It’s a PROCESS and takes TIME!
On Sunday, I walked to the markets and came back then cooked for 3-4 hours. Do you know how easy it is to order take out when you literally just made it home without dying from exhaustion?! I do and I’ll take every chance I can to smash half a scoop of hot chips, a chicken curry, half a rice and some roti from Zhou’s Kitchen! I’m working on my meal prepping coz I am a) mindful of the waste I’ve been creating and b) like to eat something pretty vege heavy coz I know it makes me feel so much better. I made a Thai green curry (definitely did not omit the coconut cream), vege black bean burritos with home made salsa, meatballs and fresh tomato sauce, nacho Mince and beans and a vegetable quiche to get us through the week! I mean, there are some parts of it that definitely aren’t 100% clean however, it is all home cooked and fucking delicious (if I may say so myself!) I’d love to create a delicious meal plan for the blog so it’s in process, I promise.
Another big thing for me is that I’ve slowed the fuck down on my drinking! For the past 2-3 weeks I’ve been having 1-4 beers a week aside from last night (but I broke it up with coffee and a coke!) Which is super amazing for me. It’s strange coz despite being adamant that I’m having my fucking beers still I’ve slowly gone off of going out and getting shit faced. Time is of the essence and I have planned some cute outfits for our holiday with stuff I can’t (yet) fit.
I admit – I’ve been a bad. I’ve been doing so poorly at losing weight that I’ve been embarrassed to come back and share the same results. After having a tough time (depression is in check it’s just other little things) I made time to talk to Michelle. Mickey would’ve been featured more in my earlier posts but since JP came along and is both getting busy our healing sleep overs were put on hold. My girl is in China teaching English right now and we talked for at least 2.5 hours on Tuesday. I laughed so hard my jaw hurt and then afterwards Shen promised to email a motivating email. If anyone knows how to reach me it’s her. She is the bringer of truths. We were supposed incredibly connected when we both went through heartbreak and when Mickey lost her dad. We didn’t let all of the terrible things happening stall our progress in life. We worked out religiously, ate good and worked on our mental state. We essentially fought ferociously for ourselves to be in a good space. We’ve both been through some very rough times and stints with chronic depression being one of them so making sure we were in a good space doing all we could was worth it. If one thing depression has taught me is that you can’t ignore yourself or your feelings and relying on all the things that make you better is the fight to keep better. Taking medication for it is just one part of the process. I’ll write about it more later in the week.
I’ve been working on not drinking so much and Wednesdays and Fridays are really hard for me. I’m not anti drinking but I’m anti drinking so much that it ruins your weekend and your weight. I made a date with Aimee to eat nachos and watch tv which was so nice. We live together but we don’t spend time together like we did when we hung out pre living together. Just like my FaceTime with Mickey, it felt so healing. It’s a reminder to myself that being selective with your friends is never a bad thing. Side bar – I saw a girl I was once friends with on the street and terminating that friendship was a reminder that sometimes you have to do the tough thing and ditch. As rough as it may sound sometimes you have to for your own well being. In the morning, we cleaned, got our laundry out and then took Loki to the dog beach.
Little things: watching the baby ducks at the gardens; getting Korean skin care from JPs sister; The Mindy Project; 5 or so weeks till we go on holiday; getting my fringe trimmed; sleeping in (I’m usually up at 6am so 9 was a nice change); chicken curry from Zhou’s Kitchen; My Favourite Murder; This American Life; seeing our little garden grow!; watching the fireworks hand in hand with JP at the New World car park post buying snacks #romance; the bits of the Steve Aoki documentary I was able to sit down for; Loki not being terrified at the fireworks (so brave); this moment where I am sitting in my lounge with the sporadic rain post coffee; and JPs mum who is the sweetest angel.
I’ve been getting better. I ate pretty well last week. I still slip up and I still don’t hate myself for it. I was reminded this morning that things like catching up with friends and having takeaways sometimes is a okay. Eating and friendships are important. Maybe not eating take out but you get the jist. I have, however, realised the repercussions of beer. I really love beer. However, in terms of getting back in shape it’s probably time I just relax on the beers. It is 10 weeks until we go on holiday and I really, really want to be able to go shopping and fit some of my dresses. Last summer I was a bit lighter and I was miserable because all my dresses and shorts fit so uncomfortably and the new ones I bought were awful. I tried on an old dress on the other day and my best friend (bless her soul) tried to tell me it didn’t look too bad. Lets be honest here – white is v e r y unforgiving and two of my favourite dresses are WHITE (see photo above)
I’m very proud of myself. I weighed myself last week and it wasn’t exactly what I wanted but it was not a gain (I think it was just under a kilo) The gym progress hasn’t been going so well. A friend of mine lost A LOT of weight over the past year and is looking toned and amazing. When I told her about my weight loss woes she gave me her boyfriends number (who is a personal trainer) who will hopefully help me develop a good routine and give me some different exercises to help me get back into business. JP also discovered a short cut to walk to work which is so much nicer than my usual walk. It’s half the time which is fine but I would much rather walk a shorter distance than miss out on an opportunity to get some exercise. As I have said before, it is so much easier to take the easier option.
I’ve been working on meal prep a lot more. Cooking for a couple of hours on a Sunday when I am relaxed etc is ten times easier than cooking every night and worrying about what time I’m going to get to bed and whether or not I am going to get enough sleep. Also – making an effort to buy less processed food. This is a hard one. It can look fine on your calories but honestly – there are better things I can eat AMIRITE?
How I feel about about it everything
Writing about this has really changed my perspective and made me so much more mindful. It’s been interesting to read other peoples weight loss journeys and to see how far other bloggers have come which is really inspirational. Everyone can do it, it’s all a matter of actually doing it, yknow? I feel guilty if I haven’t put any effort in so I am really, really trying here. I love that there is a community of people in the exact same boat as me.
I am proposing a challenge for myself. I said it ages ago when it was 14 odd weeks out from my holiday but this week I want to start losing a kilo a week. Now, I am aware that weight fluctuates etc and that is all well and good so I’ll do weekly measurements – this time I am SERIOUS. I will not do another chubby summer. I swear!
After taking two weeks off I decided to walk home today. I had a terrible sleep the night before and pushing myself to the limit wasn’t in my best interest. During this walk I got to thinking about working out and eating healthy. Some of these are semi double ups but bare with me. Positive affirmations and truths make the harder, shittier stuff much easier for the brain to digest.
1. If you want to get into shape you need to work for it otherwise you’ll be in the same space you started and will end up feeling crappy for not changing anything.
2. Your gym membership payment is just a donation if you don’t go.
3. The thought of doing exercise and eating healthy is harder than the act itself. Challenge your brain.
4. Eating healthier and working out only does good things for your body and brain
5. Working out is hard work but so worth it
6. Keeping in shape is in your best interest
7. Making an effort to eat better and look after yourself is an act of radical self love
8. Thinking about working out and working out are two completely different things
9. Creating healthy habits now are in your best interest as well as your future self and family
10. Eating healthy doesn’t have to be awful
Yas gurl I made some progress! I don’t hate doing exercise so walking to work isn’t such a tax. Have I mentioned I hate smelly buses piled in with people? We had stock take on Wednesday so instead of walking I went to the gym instead. Back in the day I used to do two hours at the gym most days and I felt so much clearer mentally. Plus, my new job is right next to a gym so even when the weather is gloomy I can’t really excuse myself.
My eating has been pretty atrocious this week. I didn’t plan out our groceries properly so it meant I ate a lot of fatty take aways but in saying that I ate good when I could. I kept a log and it was basically takeaways, chips and the occasional home cooked meal. It is my goal this week to log every thing on My Fitness Pal. For real though, my eating has been like this:
2 pieces soy and linseed toast
Can of baked beans
2 poached eggs
1 vanilla energize up and go
2 pieces vogels with avo
Small piece of cake
Footlong ham sub
Meatballs and pasta
Chocolate and lollies
Meat and veg turn over and a v
Savoury bagel and chips
Chicken and rice
2 choc almond bars
3/4 bag of marshmallows
1 almond choc bar
ETC ETC. As you can see, I got bored of logging it all. But I need to relax on the treats for real.